I promised my take on a Wedding Wednesday, and I rarely don’t make good on my promises.
Some of you know the drama that surrounded my bridesmaid’s dress and some of you are about to learn right now. Buckle up, bitches.
The dress arrived 6 weeks before the wedding and it would not zip up. What the hell? I checked the measurements and I compared against J.Crew’s sizing to ensure that the sonofabitch would fit. But it didn’t. ***insert HUGE panic attack***
Me and the dress travel to an alterations place that Lacey recommended and they did a wonderful job, letting it out a whole 1/2 an inch. Yes, a half of an inch. They also made mention, several times, that the zippers used on these dresses were less than steller. Okay, okay, noted.
But it fit like a glove and looked amazing. I was so excited, totally dying this shit black so I can wear it to an awesome NYC event.
Fast forward to the day of the wedding. Scratch that. Fast forward to 30 minutes before the wedding. We get me into my dress. I get my lip gloss out of my bag and hear a noise. Then I felt a breeze. Holy fucking shit.
MY ZIPPER BROKE!!!! It completely broke. Split it two. Pulled right apart but was still zipped. So the bride and her lovely mother had to pin my ass back in. And fed me glasses of Champagne.
I’m really good about making things about me, obviously.
I don’t have any photos of me all safety pinned up, but I will. So you hold tight.
But at the end of the night, when it was time to take the piece of shit Dessy dress off, we couldn’t get it off because the zipper was stuck in the “zipped” position. So….we ripped that motherfucker right off. In two. Split it in two.
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Dessy, if you’re reading this, you assclowns, I’m coming for you.
Holy shit. That dress. Well. Shit. You didn’t really want to dye it black, right?
Wow just one glass of champagne? I would have needed like six. What a horrifying story for your first Wedding Wednesday. I shouldnt be surprised 🙂
This is my worst nightmare. However, I seriously love that this is your wedding wednesday post. Amazing.
i would die.
and then tell the bride that i am not walking down that aisle wearing that piece of shit.
then i would go put on my sweats and say ‘i hope this works’
end scene.
haha that is too funny…and sad.very sad!
OH NO. I;’m nervous. I will be fulfilling bridesmaid duties this weekend & I can totally see this happening. My dress did not fit when it arrived and i’ve lost 10 lbs trying to squeeze into that sucker. Still going to have to wear spanx. Eeek! Come on zipper stay intact.
Was this a Dessy dress? I used to sell Dessy dresses for a bridal boutique I worked for back in the day. Totally agree. Dessy dresses are shit. They’re made in China and the construction is less than stellar. My mother is a fantastic tailor/seamstress/alterationist and I cannot tell you the number of Dessy dresses she’s had to sew zippers back into, or fix for similarly reported issue.
That. Is. Awful.
I can’t believe that–didn’t the dress and it’s zipper understand its role in the day, it wasn’t about them, selfish dress and zipper!
Bet it was amazing though ripping the dress in two, I have always wanted to do that
wtf??? really, dress????
just of course. why does life work like this? I really cannot get over this though, and of course this is your Wedding Wednesday post. Happy you made it down the isle!
i canNOT believe this…was it J crew?? This would only happen to you! omg. Unbelievable.
Wow, I would have died and definitely needed more than a glass to calm me down. You were definitely a trooper to stick with the damn dress throughout the night!
hilarious. like…stiches in my side…hilarious.
no pun intended.
oh HELLS no
Return that SHIT to ‘Crew. They are good about that stuff – swear! Get you $$ back….but poor you, how was one glass enough?!