lip service

Last night my boyfriend thought he was going to bed early. I had other plans.

Like most New Yorkers, we have a window A/C unit, which is fine but it seriously dries out the air so like any idiot, I have a humidifier. Last night the water was low, so I took the jug into the bathroom to fill it up.

That happened without incident.

When I bent over to put the jug back on the base, I wasn’t over the floor, I was standing right above my dresser. I smacked my mouth on the side of the dresser. I would like to thank IKEA for actually using some sort of wood and not plywood, because that would have been a bit softer.

I did a real good job too.

There was a lot of blood. I seriously cut the inside of my lip and through my face to right below my lip on the outside. We called my parents because working in Finance and Advertising, respectively, we aren’t doctors.

I threw up. I almost passed out. I couldn’t breathe normally.

But then I had an ice pack on my face and we watched an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent where a perp was arrested right out front of the building across the street. My building was on TV, guys!

So now I have a lovely scab and a really full lower lip.

Can I go home now?