I could tell you I went to improv class on Saturday and we did traditional improv exercises like “yes, and” but that would be a lie.
I didn’t go to improv class.
Not just that I didn’t go, I couldn’t go. I physically could not make myself go.
My boyfriend ushered me out the door and down the elevator and as soon as I exited my building I had what only could be described as a mental breakdown. And I cried all the way to 77th & Lexington where I then decided to turn around and go home.
It isn’t that I’m afraid of improv, I just don’t know if I’m in a place right now to take three hours out of a Saturday and dick around with a bunch of people that I have zero in common with when I have so many other things to do.
Last week I did not make dinner once. I have not exercised in almost two years, mostly due to lack of time and lack of funds. I am not a runner, I will not run around outside and I’m lazy, so I can’t be trusted to go on a walk and not end up shopping. The apartment I live in, and have lived in for almost 8 months looks like we moved in last month and to add insult to injury, it’s always dirty.
So I couldn’t go. I don’t know why. But I felt like it was a waste of my time. That I wasn’t doing what I should be doing. That to spend three hours doing something utterly ridiculous was absolutely terrible.
I’m not sure if its the actual class or that it is a class and I’m required to do things. I hated school, not because I wasn’t a borderline genius, but because I hated rules and being told when and where I had to do something.
We’ll see if I decide to go next weekend.
In the meantime, I think I should call my doctor and get that xanax…
I do this all the time, plans give me anxiety, and I have to complete my own to-do list before I can tackle my goals!
I get this kind of anxiety too, but I’ve been finding out lately that if I make myself go- I usually have a good time and am glad I pushed myself to go through with my plans! Improv sounded so cool from last week, and it seemed to be something you were excited about challenging yourself with. Give it another shot next week! I’m hoping you’ll be happy you went! Hope you have a great week in between!
xo Kayla
i’m sorry!!
i think about getting xanax daily. i am starting to get anxious about everything and anything in general. how do i chill the fuck out?
for now…i drink.
Mental breakdowns are cool. NOT. i support your decision and you have to put what is best for you FIRST. always.
Honestly, things will get better. Just remember to focus on yourself this week; it will make a world of a difference. If I were in NYC I’d force you out for manis and pedis.
I think I can still force you out from here…
Sometimes you just don’t want to so things–I have been there–and that is the positive of being an adult we can choose what we do.
I am quite anxious at the moment too, although i don’t know why but I think I am calming down slightly.
I can completely understand. I get that way when I’m running on the treadmill but feel like I should be doing 4849502 other things. Totally freaks me out.
I used to be an actor, and totally dreaded improv because I hate being put on the spot. The more I did it, the easier it was, and the more I realized that everyone in the class is in the *exact* same boat. You’re not the only one who is scared or anxious. I know that’s not why you didn’t go, but I just felt like I should share that tidbit, because I think improv is scary to *anyone*.
totally and completely understandable. a) I have mental breakdowns quite often, so I totally get it b) there’s such thing as having too many plans and sometimes you just need to say no c) I hope this week is better and you are able to relax a little bit. hang in there. xo
I don’t know why, but I find you more likeable now that I know you’re a nut job.
I am so in the same place as you. This weekend we had a “no plans” rule. Meaning, we didn’t leave the apartment too much, I cleaned to my hearts content, unpacked, organized and cooked all day yesterday (crockpot while organizing). Sounds boring but last night I looked at my husband and told him that was the best weekend I’ve had in ages. I loved every minute of it and cant wait to go home to my clean space tonight.
Xanax is a blessing. My little best friend in my pocket.
Ok, so…I’m just gonna get real for a second bc sometimes that’s what people need to hear. Feel free to ignore it.
Is it possible that you’re not realizing that you actually deserve to go to this class? It sounds like you might be telling yourself you shouldn’t do it because you have all this stuff to do, but honey, that’s life. We all have stuff to do. But starting new things is scary. Especially when it’s an improv class and you’re dicking around with people you have nothing in common with. Yet. There’s a reason you signed up for the class in the first place, right? And, in terms of following your dreams I think improv is probably only for the betterment of your career. I think you can do this Christin! Even if your apartment is dirty and you haven’t worked out in years. Trust me, there’s always something stopping you from doing what you want to do.
xoxo
I’m also an anxiety filled freak. I think about calling my dr. up for xanax with frequency. What is wrong with our generation?
Maria @ Orchard Bloom
i have these moments…more and more frequently since I moved to NYC. Not exactly sure why. So, let me know how that xanax works out for ya and I might be hopping on the bandwagon.
On a second note, I’ve been meaning to comment for a while because you could be a standup comic sans classes. True story. One of my gfs Mel did it and you’re funnier than her (dont tell her I said that). Would love to broker an intro if it piques your interest.
keep on keepin’ on…xoxo.